When walking into the tent at Mercedes Fashion Week the first thing I am amazed at is the multitude of wannabes, has-beens and maybes. I see the Emaciation of Mimi, The Writer’s Crew, The Posers and The Lost Boys (the people who think they are hip, but have mannish haircuts with fang-like bangs). The people wait in line talking about the designers, Nikki Hilton’s new bag range and the guy at the door wearing an orange shirt. There are modelesque statues and gay men in full suits gripping free fashion magazines. I stand blissfully unaware of my soon face-to-face greeting with Skeletor.

Now I have read since the death of Brazilian model Ana Carolina Reston that the new rule was to ban models under a certain body mass, so I had no idea what waited behind the Grim Reaper’s curtain. The chairs fill, the lights dim, the music pumps, it’s something hip, loud and happy but all I see is the dark circles protruded from the mass of bones that walk in the couture threads. The models look a little like “The Corrupters” from Harry Potter, black clouds of threads with nothing underneath. I watch the lights from the photographer’s cameras flash on and on, as one by one the skeletons walk by. I can’t imagine what angle they have to shoot to get a visible body. Then the best part, they start to clap, the main event is about to happen, they are about to bring out the evening dress that is the highlight of the designers line. Partnered with this dress was the thinnest woman living today and I couldn’t tell if the crowd clapping was due to the dress or the fact the girl could walk to the end of the catwalk without simultaneously snapping in half.

This girl, Skeletor, the Master of All Skeletons and Overlord of Fashion Week was so distended that she made the dress look like she had a Vivien Westwood bum bag around her waist. The crowd claps and disperses and the music fades to a halt. You hear things like, “It was wonderful.” and “I’m not sure of the navy.” but no one mentioned the fact that we watched death cling to its clothes and then it dawned on me that the rail thin model, was their paragon of female beauty. I think next year they should host it at the Hall of Human Origins, but that’s just my thought.